Rule # 1:Even if the annoying dragon PC is paralyzed and being moved on a cushion of air, I can not use him to 'Go bowling for Orcs'. Rule # 2:If I jury rig my own spacial fold engine, it must be large enough to take the entire space ship. Rule # 3:We will not play "Call of Cthulu Paranoia" just to see how quickly PCs die. Rule # 4:Even though a Veritec Beta mecha will stop at a jury rigged toll booth, they always carry correct change. Rule # 5:"Wing it" is not an official plan or tactic. Rule # 6:Never give the psychotic demolitions expert, with a price on her head, a lance command. Rule # 7:If you do give the psychotic demolitions expert with a lance command, don't let her pick the personnel. Rule # 8:I'm not allowed to collect 'insanities'. Rule # 9:Even if the rules do give a bridge a huge hit point total, I can't weld one on my mech or Spaceship as ultra-armor. Rule # 10:Even if the characters are strong enough, it is bad taste to pass the obnoxious, paralyzed dragon PC like a football. Rule # 11:If above does occur, endzone dances are outlawed and I shouldn't 'spike the dragon' into the turf. Rule # 12:The ducks aren't militant and aren't armed with anything. Rule # 13:There is an implied size to the statement, "bring it back in one piece". Rule # 14:"Make sure it doesn't get away" is different from "Blow it up". Rule # 15:Sometimes, secretaries hide .50 caliber machine guns behind their desks. Rule # 16:If the RPG is based off a tv series, I can't ruin a NPCs life just because I didn't like them in the series. Rule # 17:I should not actively plan to make my commanding officer into a traitor. Rule # 18:It is not a good idea to taunt the horribly scarred survivor of the explosion at Alaska base, when he is your commanding officer. Rule # 19:No matter what it seems like, my spleen does not have a "quick disconnect" system for easy replacement. Rule # 20:I cannot stop the huge land carrier by jamming my cockpit into its treads. Rule # 21:A falling tree can botch its attack roll. Rule # 22:Inanimate objects should not be part of the military chain of command. Rule # 23:I shall not waste five minutes of game time by convincing a magic user to cast a spell if the only reason is to make a bad pun. Rule # 24:In a superhero game set in the Marvel universe, no one is Doctor Doom's love child. Rule # 25:Keeping in mind the above, No one should go onto national TV claiming their mother is a waitress in SOHO that Dr. Doom 'Knocked up". Rule # 26:If you slug the hulk into New Jersey, he will be really mad when he comes back, both for being hit and for being in New Jersey. Rule # 27:If the bad guy disappears off the game board when using miniatures, he is not "Just behind the GM screen". Rule # 28:There do not 'just happen' to be guys carrying plate glass windows around every time I botch a stealth roll. Rule # 29:A RIFTS Boom Gun is not a 'helpful' way to help some over a fence. Rule # 30:Just because he is in Elminster's house, doesn't mean he is Elminster. Rule # 31:If the baddie has armor that reflects all spells back at the caster and I have an artifact that reflects and doubles all spells back to the attacker, I shouldn't cast Magic Missile at him just to see how big it will get. Rule # 32:I cannot use any of the following descriptors for my gang of thugs: Yuppie, Environmentalist, Trekkie. All of the above are right out. Rule # 33:I cannot speak in a William Shatner accent for any character. Rule # 34:None of my characters can be possessed by the spirit of a Mexican wrestler, especially if Mexican wrestling or even Mexico does not exist in the game world. Rule # 35:When a character sheet has space to fill in for "Eyes" and "Hair", it is assumed that a color is requested, not a yes or no answer. Rule # 36:If our Military unit is asked to relocate some native denizens of a planet to another local, it is assumed that this means we need to talk with them and convince them to leave, not hit them with knock out gas missiles from our giant robots and shovel them into a dump truck. Rule # 37:Just because the Rifts book shows the Alignment of a Great white shark as 'Hungry' doesn't mean I can use that as my alignment. Rule # 38:Just because you bike can do over 200 MPH, doesn't mean that you should try to do it through the woods, at night. Rule # 39:Under no circumstances is my Mage character allowed to magically impregnate the Technocracy bad GUYs with squirrel babies. Rule # 40:A wagonload of Teddy bears with pistols taped to their hands is not a crack commando squad and are in no way our back-up force even if they have captured a prisoner, once. Rule # 41:It is generally considered rude to spontaneously pick up NPCs to test if they are robots. Rule # 42:It is generally considered rude to spontaneously combust. Rule # 43:No one is allowed to have a friendly head butt competition with anyone, in or out of game. Rule # 44:I cannot take over Ravenloft economically with the invention of porn and the 'porn globe' scrying device, no matter how well thought out it is. Rule # 45:No battle anywhere should begin with me asking, "Is the bad guy wearing pants?" Rule # 46:I can not stick a weasel or any small, furry animal down Lord Strahd's pants. Rule # 47:Likewise, Lord Soth is not my personal 'Habi-trail'. Rule # 48:If a gold, great wyrm dragon has to roll high to hit me, I have too much AC for a 17th level rouge. Rule # 49:There is no skill or weapon proficiency for "Railing kill". Rule # 50:A Twinkie is not a viable weapon against a Dragon. Rule # 51:I cannot grow crops on the side of a sheer cliff. Rule # 52:Magic summoning chalk is a deadly weapon when the summoner doesn't bother to figure out what he is summoning. Rule # 53:Magic summoning chalk cannot be used rectally. Rule # 54:Demon possession is best cured by dismemberment. Even when you are trying the save the possessed person. Rule # 55:Just because the Invid hives are giant round balls on legs that have shields that protect them, but not their legs and built on a mountain. It is not advised to go bowling with Invid hives. Rule # 56:In a samurai game driven by honor, yelling "For the Emperor" after any disgraceful or cowardly act does not make them any less disgraceful or cowardly. "I kill the orphan ... For the Emperor!" Rule # 57:"Rape it with the horse," is not an appropriate battle cry or tactic. This goes double in an honor driven samurai game (Also see Rule # 45). Rule # 58:GM Rule: Never have a fight around a vehicle with ship scale weapons and not expect the PCs to use them on the infantry. Rule # 59:It is rude to convince the local church that some of your party members are witches. Rule # 60:In a Streetfighter RPG universe, if you steal Bison's hat/spare clothes, handcuff Balrog naked to his subordinate in a compromising position, cut off Vega's hair and wear it as a G-string or throw Rolento out of a moving vehicle twice, there will be repercussions. Rule # 61:I have to ask the rest of the PCs if it is okay if I 'collect' any NPCs. Rule # 62:A minigun cannot be turned into a "bitchin' melee weapon" with the addition of bayonets to each barrel. Rule # 63:My intelligent dinosaur mount does not play the banjo and carry a plasma repeater. Rule # 64:I am not allowed to bring sound effects to the game. Rule # 65:If my character has an accent, I must pick one and stick with it. Rule # 66:The notes at the top of the character sheet are important and shouldn't be used for bad puns. Rule # 67:If you are ever shown the Norse mythological threads of your own life, don't play with them, trim them or floss with them. Rule # 68:No matter how hard you try, you aren't intimidating anyone when you ride a jet powered motor scooter painted in garish colors with a big, pink triangular flag on the back with the words "Hot Rodder" on the flag. Rule # 69:A gerbil is not a weapon, and the weapon is not a gerbil. Rule # 70:There are limits to what can be fired out of a ballista or a catapult. Rule # 71:Welcome Stations in Arkansas can become unstuck in time and space. Rule # 72:Malls occasionally explode. Rule # 73:If you are going to hit someone with a car, make sure it's a Pinto. Rule # 74:When in a weird land, don't buy any of their weird alcohol that costs most of your current savings to afford. Rule # 75:When flying in a military transport plane, it is unwise to hide in the bathroom and 'mug' the first person who comes in. Rule # 76:If while, flying in a military transport plane you are beaten up and arrested for trying to 'mug' a military hand-to-hand specialist in the bathroom, it only makes it worse if you use your 'escape artist' skill to escape out of the plane. Rule # 77:If you do choose to escape from a high flying military transport, remember to grab a parachute during your grand escape. Rule # 78:It is not a good idea to 'joy buzzer' an SDC alien with MDC damage. Rule # 79:During a big, honorable duel between an NPC and a big baddie where the actual PCs are sitting around, it is considered bad taste to pull out bleachers and start selling popcorn. Rule # 80:It is even worse to enter the duel and parry all of the attacks by one of the two combatants. Rule # 81:If it takes more than three lines of long equations to explain my character's action, I can't do it. Rule # 82:"How many fish can you name?" is not an appropriate question to ask during a torture session. Rule # 83:Your head is not a suitable cushion when landing from space. Rule # 84:We are definitely not 'crack troops'. Rule # 85:Its never a good idea to greet a new member of the unit with the statement, "What General's daughter did you screw to get placed in this unit." Rule # 86:The halfling Ninja is not a thrown weapon, even if he insists he is. Rule # 87:Any superhero with the 'Growth' power should not have a chart specifically for the size of his 'wang'. Rule # 88:I am not allowed to bring a concrete sewer pipe and enough gunpowder to fill it up into the house anymore. Rule # 89:A Hit Mark 6 robot will regenerate after being hit by a cannon cobbled together from a concrete drainpipe and lots of gunpowder, but he is regenerating in a geosynchonous orbit over Greenland. Rule # 90:Knock before you enter any teammates room. Rule # 91:In some games, you can throw a rock farther than you can shoot an arrow. In some games you can fire an arrow farther than you can shoot a gun. In other games, a throwing axe will barely clear your hand before plummeting to earth. Make sure you remember which game you are in before taunting the guy who's 'surely out of range'. Rule # 92:There is no exotic weapon proficiency for 'portcullis'. Rule # 93:I am not to play a mime in any game, especially not in Call of Chtulu. Rule # 94:I cannot roll-to-hit against the GM, things outside the game or the Narrator. Rule # 95:Being proficient in a weapon doesn't mean just firing it. Whittling, Bass fishing and modern art/sculpture can be implied creatively. Rule # 96:There is no skill for fainting. Rule # 97:Never tell a bunch of gamers at a Technical College to base their characters off themselves and not expect extremely lethal jury-rigged weapons. Rule # 98:All Mechwarriors need a skill in Soccer. Rule # 99:For a few skill points, your human can outrun a camel, at least in the Battletech universe. Rule # 100:When I am anywhere near a wheat field or cornfield, I must resist the urge to make crop circles. Rule # 101:I must have a legitimate reason before I accost the hotdog vendor; even if it later turns out he was the mad bomber. Rule # 102:No matter what it seems like from the random background generator tables, not every single person who even knows of my existence has died a horrible death. Rule # 103:I cannot ghoul anything as small or smaller than a midget. Rule # 104:I cannot diablerize inanimate objects. Rule # 105:During a Vampire LARP, I cannot LARP that my character is playing Battletech. Rule # 106:I cannot LARP that my Malchaveon thinks that life is really a LARP and he's playing a werewolf. Rule # 107:My characters cannot change alignment by growing a goatee and wearing a gold sash. Rule # 108:My Mage being able to cast grease will in no way alter the results of a charisma based skill check. Rule # 109:6 million credits is not too much to spend on a bicycle as long as it has enough structure to allow the android that rides it to pedal it at over 500 MPH. Rule # 110:If you see a mech blown apart by something around the corner, don't arrogantly announce "Let a real man take care of this," and then step into the same hex where the last mech fell. Rule # 111:Karma is a harsh mistress. Irony has a sense of humor. Rule # 112:Don't blindly stick your mecha's head into a mysterious lake or a weird looking plant. Rule # 113:Don't fire a barrage of smoke missiles against an unarmored, individual enemy trooper and then scream "Oh my God! He took that and doesn't seem hurt!" just to watch your team mate freak out and paste the poor guy with all their remaining ordinance. Rule # 114:The gas from a knock-out gas missile is supposed to be used to render people unconscious, not the missile itself, careening into the civilian's head, at high velocity. Rule # 115:Don't mess with orcish fire. Rule # 116:If the Bard in the group has a better attack bonus than you, your characters might not be the best fighters in the group. A bigger hint might be if the other fighter types behind you have a plan to pick you up and pass you to the back of the party if there is trouble so you won't be in the way. Rule # 117:No matter the game, your horse really shouldn't have more kills than your character. Rule # 118:No gang of street thugs should ever be run by a carton of Orange Juice, even if the juice did, "go bad." Rule # 119:I should not abuse the rules that tell me how much my character can carry. Rule # 120:None of my characters should be able to break Mach 1 while running. Rule # 121:I cannot use any incompressible fluid equations to prove a hypersonic shock cone would cause massive damage. Rule # 122:A missile launcher is not a preferred counter-sniper weapon. Rule # 123:Everyone who has a black cloak and a curved knife worships the goddess Shar, period. Rule # 124:My character's voice actor can be fired at a moments notice. Rule # 125:GM Note: if the Player doesn't give you suitable explanation of why it would meet the group, you can just have the character run over by the groups vehicle or thrown through the front windshield. Rule # 126:GM Note: Any character that has 'Amnesia' as an excuse for not writing a background is just asking for you to abuse them. Rule # 127:Don't jump off an Aircraft carrier deck that is 100 feet off the water and try to land on something solid. Rule # 128:No one can get points for having an allergy to 'Death' even if does make you go unconscious and your limbs go stiff. Rule # 129:I cannot aim shot, 'Yo Mama!' Rule # 130:I can not insist and give evidence why 'Stone to Flesh' is the most powerful spell in D&D. Rule # 131:Stone to Flesh flesh is not a good meal. Rule # 132:There are very few things that cannot be turned into jerky after they are killed. Rule # 133:Unicorn jerky does not taste sweet like candy and melt in your mouth. Rule # 134:If you hit a rabbit with a sledgehammer, swing downward so the body doesn't fly into the tall grass. Rule # 135:Never pull any levers in a Gondish temple. Rule # 136:After raiding an enemy camp and stealing all their horses, the GM really doesn't want you to retire from adventuring to breed horses and start horse racing. Rule # 137:After you defeat a dragon, pick up his super cool weapon first before you start butchering it to sell the pieces as components. Rule # 138:Not all brain damage is bad. Rule # 139:Don't do a jumping attack in a room with a low ceiling. Rule # 140:When moving into a castle in Ravenloft, the ability for chandeliers and banisters to support a person swing or sliding down them, should not be a major selling point. Rule # 141:We cannot keep the Dragon PC polymorphed just so I can have a fire-breathing Hamster. Rule # 142:I should not make my character around winning bar bets. Rule # 143:I cannot have a familiar if I just plan to hit it with a shovel, even if it can take it. Rule # 144:I cannot launch party members out of the torpedo tubes, even if they haven't shown up to the game in a while. Rule # 145:That same PC also shouldn't be traded for rations, used as a meat shield, used as a power converted, traded as rations, or fed to Mynocs. Rule # 146:A Debifulator can be used as an offensive weapon. Rule # 147:Don't play with the evil altar of a god you've never heard of or can't pronounce. Rule # 148:Don't use said altar to resurrect a fallen comrade. Rule # 149:Magical Tupperware keeps undead creatures from rotting. Rule # 150:GM Note: Never threaten a player with a character concept unless you are sure they won't want to play it. Rule # 151:My Toad Familiar shouldn't have the second most hit points in the party, especially if there is a dragon in the party. Rule # 152:A thug who beats things to death with a club is apparently good enough to be a Jedi. Rule # 153:Medical Robots can't kill anything living Rule # 154:Unfortunately, living things frozen in Carbonite don't die. Rule # 155:You can 'flush' a water elemental. Rule # 156:When in doubt, use a stripper in a cake. Rule # 157:Even if you do have one of the strongest armies on the continent, it is possible to get talked down to. Rule # 158:There is something deeply disturbing about watching a genderless robot sexually assault another genderless robot. Rule # 159:The correct use of masterwork lockpicks is not "stick them in a lock and hit them with a sledge hammer. A lot." Rule # 160:There is a substance called "Anti-Motter". Rule # 161:Don't ever try to play a serious character when you already know that 50% of the party are halflings, oh and a wild mage. Rule # 162:Never play a character with no sense of humor. Other players will make it a game to try and make you 'break character'. Rule # 163:The ability to talk to plants is useless if the GM or the System (Imagine) rules that plants have no eyes, ears, or mouth. Rule # 164:I cannot take Weakness: Chocolate, Oxygen, or any Element that does not exist on Earth without exploding or radioactively decaying immediately. Rule # 165:Drow do not have 'stripper cakes' Rule # 166:Always have a pet to take a few hit points of that Power word kill spell before it gets to you. Rule # 167:No one should 'stalk' and threaten to kidnap the group's Cleric and still expect healing magic. Rule # 168:A Submarine can fit in the sewers under Tokyo. Rule # 169:Two people can hide inside M. Bison's box springs for his bed. Rule # 170:Heavy weapons can be used for crowd control. Rule # 171:You are in trouble if the smartest member of your party is the normal kitten. Rule # 172:If any member of the party has less than average IQ, do not let them wander off, interrogate a captive or speak on the party's behalf. Rule # 173:The same goes for any Paladin or any extremely Lawful Good alignment character. Rule # 174:Time is a mage's worst enemy; A stupid mage's worst enemy is Time Stop. Rule # 175:"Minesweeper" is not a creative trap for a dungeon. Rule # 176:"Bury" is a combat spell and also good for disposing of traps. Rule # 177:Don't make friends by attaching yourself to your new teammate's face. Rule # 178:'Defenestrate' is not a suitable replacement for social skills. Rule # 179:If I am pissed off at the way things are being run, I shouldn't 'just take over the earth'. Rule # 180:With super powered characters, there is a fine line between risking your life because it is 'the right thing to do' and overthrowing a small island nation and retire to your own Banana republic filled with Cabana boys and girls. Rule # 181:Neon pink is not acceptable camouflage for anything, even if people may not be willing to acknowledge your Pink Mech. Rule # 182:I cannot mine for the jewels stuck out of any living creature's heads unless they are bad guys. Rule # 183:It is always best to find out what is in the huge cauldron before throwing more random chemicals into it. Rule # 184:Don't mess with the main bad guy if he has the power and the dangley bits to nickname his Draco-Lich and Death-knight minions "Tiddles" and "Muffin". Rule # 185:X-men's Wolverine is Angsty and mindlessly aggressive. He does not have PMS. He would never scream "I'm retaining Water! (snickt)", "You are putting up an emotional wall, bub" or "Validate me!" before diving into combat or going on a crying jag. And, he would never end a mission by comming home with a different flavored pint of Hagen Daas on each claw. Rule # 186:I can not change my own character's name in mid game. I should not help the GM with NPC names. The GM should never change my character's name as punishment. Rule # 187:When in doubt, use a badger. Rule # 188:Badgers have beserker rage! Rule # 189:I am not the very model of a modern, major General. Rule # 190:I shouldn't ponder on whether Vampires can have "live Journels". Rule # 191:My superhero shouldn't try to break into the local news station to do the Weather, without the stations permission. Rule # 192:My sidekick/cohort should speak the same language as me, should be worthy of being a sidekick, should like me, should be animate and shouldn't be a large construction machine. Rule # 193:The Unicorn Samurai clan main castle should not be called the "White fangirl castle" (it is "Shiro Otaku"). Rule # 194:In any game set in Asia, I can't pretend that I am baddly dubbed. Rule # 195:A mage character should not be allowed to have a WWII torpedo bomber airplane. Rule # 196:Juggling is not a combat skill. Rule # 197:Projectile vomiting should not be an attack any character should have. Rule # 198:"Unless you are hit with an anti-tank weapon" should not be used as a retort for any happy situation, social commentary or tacked on the end of any fortune cookie saying. Rule # 199:Pun wars have collateral damage and innocent victims. Rule # 200:Dragon Armpits are floppy and can be used to make farting noises with. Rule # 201: The Wild West BlockThere are no Nazi's in the Old West. Rule # 202: The Wild West BlockBut, there are roving bands of Vikings who search the plains for Indians to beat up on. Rule # 203: The Wild West BlockThere is no Forensics or CSI in the 1870s. Rule # 204: The Wild West BlockMr. Bubble was invented by Indians of the Old West. Rule # 205: The Wild West BlockIndians use tiddleywinks as divining objects. Rule # 206:In Spanish, "El Chupacabra" does not mean 'Talented Story Teller', it means 'Well Hung, Black Man'. Rule # 207:Drowning a human isn't always enough to kill them, so you should snap their necks to be sure and then defenestrate them. Rule # 208:'Lucky Charms' is the most Pagan of all breakfast cereals. Rule # 209:'Boo Berry' is more Gothic than 'Frankenberry'. Rule # 210:My giant robot pilot should be able to use the radar, radio or other gadgets normally in a robot cockpit that aren't used to move or shoot. Rule # 211:My giant robot pilot shouldn't be afraid of robots. Rule # 212:Don't taunt talking furniture. Rule # 213:It is bad if the entire party takes the Flaw "Shy" and hasn't met yet. Rule # 214:My droid should not speak like "Barry White", is note made of the mineral "Dolemite", and doesn't run on Soul and Funk. Rule # 215:I can not link all the weapons of my starship to fire when a push button switch makes contact with another ship at point blank range. It is certainly not allowed to have multiple spaceships use this tactic. Rule # 216:I'm not allowed to have a "flying wedge" of charging halflings, charging battle barges, or pretty much anything else. Rule # 217:No character needs to dump 30 gold pieces into buying chalk. Rule # 218:Don't fire a tear gas grenade in an enclosed space, when you are in there with Zombies who don't have to breathe. Rule # 219:I can not use my character's negative in the swim skill and a bottle of endless air to hire myself out as a boat anchor. Rule # 220:We can not confuse the gangsters in a future setting by assinating two of their members with a bow and arrow and a flintlock muskett. Rule # 221:Battlemechs do not have bumper stickers. Rule # 222:Even if you aren't playing 'Call of Cthulu', don't read any book that is made out of odd materials (flesh, gold, jade, stone, ect.) Rule # 223:GM note: Never let a player make a character that likes a sports team. It usually ends with betting, rabid fandom (hooligan-ism) and abducting the other team's players to ensure a playoff run. Rule # 224:In Legend of the Five Rings, there is not one ring that will rule them all. Rule # 225:In Legend of the Five Rings, if I get my Air ring, Fire ring, Earth ring, Water ring and Void ring high enough, I can not summon Captain Planet. Rule # 226:Our "complete circle" in Exhalted can't summon Captain Planet either. Rule # 227:If you play a character who is a male gigolo, make sure that you know what a gigilo is. Also, make sure you know what 'Pasties' are, before you agree to wear them. Rule # 228:Cowboy 'Chaps'do not fully cover you from the waist down. Rule # 229:GM Note: If the characters start the game with the 3 million dollar diamond Victoria Secret bra or a fully reconditioned (and crewed) WWII Battleship, they might be abusing the 'Resources' background. Rule # 230:Double check your target intel BEFORE kidnapping the college co-ed. Rule # 231:A sock puppet isn't a good choice for a wizards familiar. Rule # 232:Likewise, a Chicken isn't a good choice for a animal companion. Rule # 233:It's never a good sign when all the parties pets, familiars, companions, ect. form their own adventuring group. Rule # 234:So, you've saved the Empire three times in 5 months, but what have you done for me lately. Rule # 235:It's a bad sign if a super hero carries a half a brick in their utility belt. Rule # 236:Your Jedi might be a prick if the rest of the party hires Boba Fett to 'Off' him. Rule # 237:If you play a pirate with an eye patch, he should have one missing eye. Also, it should go without saying that the patch should be over the missing eye. Rule # 238:It is possible to play a 'manly' wizard despite the 4 starting hitpoints, but God help me if I know how. Rule # 239:I can't make any Vampire charcter that would be killed by other Vampires for embarrasing the entire species. Rule # 240:There is no Rifts: Las Vegas/Hollywood. It does not have the Baldwin Brother RCC or the Flying Elvis OCC class. Rule # 241:One stick of Dynamite is more than enough to make a distraction, especially if hidden in a wedding cake. Ten is more than one. Rule # 242:Shots don't hurt other players...Yet. Rule # 243:The above applies only to some video games. Rule # 244:If you make an anime inspired 'cat-girl' in Shadowrun, you can make the GM cry. Rule # 245:Even though the rules aren't specific, there is something called a "logic" that dictates that some creature templates should not be stacked on some creatures. Such as the Half Dragon-Dragon. Rule # 246:A Half Dragon-Gelatenaous Cube is one of those. As was explained to me, this would involve a really drunk dragon who mistook the Cube for a marital aid. Rule # 247:There is no KY-Gelatenous Cube. KY-Golems have yet to be ruled out. Update: They have been ruled out. |